


The Profile

by FoggyJam



Category: Nandermo, What we do in the shadows
Genre: M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-27
Updated: 2020-07-27
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:01:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25544044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FoggyJam/pseuds/FoggyJam
Summary: Nandor is looking for a new familiar. Colin under the assumption that Nandor needs help setting up a dating profile reluctantly helps.
Relationships: Guillermo de la Cruz/Nandor the Relentless, Guillermo/Nandor
Comments: 2
Kudos: 27





	The Profile

[Int: Vampire Residence - 10:45pm Guillermo has been gone for a week.]

Camera 2 finds Nandor in his room looking pensive and worried. Nandor noticing camera 2 briskly closes his door…

Nandor: Get out, can’t you see I’m thinking?

Camera 2 seeming surprised finds Colin Robinson in the library whispering to camera 1…

[Cut To- Camera 1]

Colin Robinson: I think Nandor is still upset about Guillermo leaving. I say good riddance, he’s a damn flipping vampire hunter why the heck would we want him here?

Suddenly in the distance Nandor calls…

Nandor: Colin Robinson!

Colin, giving a look of slight dread and irritation looks towards the hallway as Nandor makes his way to the library.

Colin Robinson: What is it Nandor?

Nandor: Do you have one of those computing machines?

Colin Robinson: A computer? Yes, I have several. It’s funny actually, I use them to troll off of unsuspecting people and I ignore all of my work e-mails…

Nandor: Never mind that, I need one of those date pages. 

Colin Robinson: A dating profile? Well, there’s Match.com, Tndr, Grindr, Bumble, E-harmony, Jdate… You know, It’s funny, I actually remember when you wanted to go out with someone, you would have to find where they lived and leave your card with their front doorman, then you would have to wait a week and go back to the doorman to see if they had given your card to them, then you would have to wait for a call- and it wouldn’t even be a call from the person you left the card for it would be a call from the front doorman….

(Nandor beginning to get tired interrupts Colin…)

Nandor: Yes,yes, can you help me or not?

Colin Robinson: Uh, yeah okay. 

(Nandor gives the camera a lazy but pleased smile along with a thumbs up)

[Colin Robinson retrieves his laptop from the basement and sets it up on the desk in the library, he begins to open a dating site.]

Colin Robinson: You should probably start with a profile picture.

Nandor: A profile picture ? 

Colin Robinson: Yes, that way people know what they’re getting. The world is a shallow place Nandor.

Nandor: Yes, fine, take my picture. Wait! I want to wear my fancy fur.

[Colin Robinson waits as Nandor heads for his room, Camara 2 follows]

Nandor: Guillermo! Oh, that’s right he left (he says to himself) …I can’t find my fancy fur anywhere. 

[Meanwhile Colin Robinson has almost completely drained camera 1 with trivial, meandering talk of dating.]

[Nandor returns, holding a sword while wearing a war helmet, his jersey and a scarf messily tucked into his jerseys collar]

Nandor: Colin Robinson. I am ready. Take my picture.

[Nandor hears a sudden click of a camera from the laptop]

The picture Colin Robison gets is an okay picture of Nandor, distant and dark, with one hand on his hip, the other holding the sword in an upward stance.

Nandor: How do I look, Colin Robinson?

Colin Robinson: Eh… 

Nandor: Now what?

Colin Robinson: Now, you tell people about yourself and what you are looking for.

Nandor: What I am looking for, like my fancy fur? Can they help me with that?

Colin Robinson: No…(putting his hand on his forehead with impatience Colin begins typing)

The front door is heard opening, in walks Guillermo, Colin Robinson turns his way as Guillermo looks inquisitively. Colin gives a weary “Heeey, Guillermo.” And turns back to Nandor.

Colin Robinson: Aren’t you going to say hi to Guillermo?

Nandor: No, I don’t care. 

Guillermo notices that Nandor is hovering over Colin’s laptop… What could he be doing? He heads to his old room and begins fumbling around for a few minutes. All he finds is a stake that he had tucked away under his mattress. He begins to grab it when he notices something peeking out from behind the bed. He pulls the bed away from the wall and hears it fall to the floor. Guillermo picks it up. It’s the glitter portrait that his master had made for him a year prior. He scoffs and sits on his bed, looking at it longer than he means too. He finally decided to leave it behind.  
Putting the portrait on the pillow of his old bed, Guillermo exits his room, trying not to think about the 10 years of his life that he gave to his master.

Guillermo: I’m leaving. (He says trying to get a glance over Colin’s shoulder.)

Nandor: Oh, Guillermo, I didn’t hear you come in. Did you forget something?

Guillermo: Yeah, I ju-

Nandor: Well, Colin Robinson is helping me set up a new familiar finding website. Not that you care, you were just leaving.

Guillermo, feeling jealous says in haste “Well, good. Looks like you really won’t be needing me around anymore.” 

He leaves quickly almost slamming the door behind him, camera 1 follows him out. The camera pans down to Guillermos empty hands. He didn’t really forget anything, he just wanted an excuse to see his master one last time. Thinking about someone else brushing his hair or helping him put his boots on, holding his hand as they helped him out of his coffin, it made his blood boil but he had to brush it off, he had to let it go… He had to let Nandor go.

[Camera 1 follows Guillermo until the end of the yard, where Guillermo gives the camera a look of loneliness and longing as he closes the gate behind him.]

Cut to - [camera 2 back in the library. Nandor is obviously uncomfortably crushed but tries to play it cool. Colin gives a quick look of satisfaction as his eyes glow.]

Nandor: I don’t need him. He needs me! Who, does he think he is!? Even if he came crawling back to me, I would not let him back in... No matter... An uncomfortable silence hit the room and Nandor seemed fragile...

Nandor: Tell me Colin Robinson, when do I meet my new familiar?

Colin Robinson: Nandor, I thought you wanted a date, not to find a new famil- uck, you know what, I don’t care. Here. (Colin hands the laptop to Nandor)

Nandor begins to read…”Nandor I am an old war lord, looking for someone who wears glasses and sweaters, someone who will find me virgins and who will laugh at all of my jokes. I am a collector of swords and leave passive aggressive notes around the house for my roommates to find”

(Colin, laughing and feeding off of Nandor’s irritation continues.) 

Colin Robinson: Hey, that-that is the truth. I have heard Nadja call you a ‘Big Turkey’ I’ll- I’ll add that. (Colin looks a the camera with a smirk of affirmation as he takes the laptop back from Nandor)

Nandor: No, I am not a turkey! Don’t put that! Put that I have long hair that needs brushing and I love virgins. I need help getting in and out of my coffin. I am also very good at hypnosis and being a vapor.

(Colin Robinson interjects) “Are you though?”

Nandor: Shut up... I can turn into a very handsome German Shepard. Keep the bit about my jokes though… That part is true. 

(Colin Robinson takes the laptop back from Nandor and begins typing quickly, Colin has had it with Nandor and is quickly regretting every second of this favor. Colin finishes typing and hands the laptop back to Nandor.)

Nandor looking at his profile page begins to read a loud again. “ Nandor, looking for a long term commitment with no chance of relationship growth…” Nandor looks at Colin with distain. All he can think about is Guillermo's betrayal and how he kept his slaying a secret from him. He’ll never find anyone like Guillermo again. No one to take care of him or listening to him. But what choice did he have? If this is the profile that will get him a new familiar, he would do it.

(Nandor looking strong and ready in his jersey.) “Yes, fine. What do I do now?”

Colin Robinson: Just start clicking around until you find a match. Oh, I made your profile open, so anyone can view it. Wish I'd never agreed to help you.

Colin Robinson, started to leave the room, he had other plans that he was not willing to give up.

Nandor: Wait, where are you going?

Colin Robinson: I have had these tickets for a very long talk on The Scarlett Letter. I am not letting them got to waste.

Nandor gives Colin Robinson a dismissive wave as he thinks to himself.

Nandor: Wait, can Guillermo see my familiar site? Colin Robinson!?

The door echoed with a slam as Colin Robinson left.

Nandor: Shit.


End file.
